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Psychic » Need a reading on family and job situations


Thursday, August 3, 2017 16:03 PDT

Hi all,

I'm taking a risk in posting this up as I don't know if this will end up being drowned in spam lol!

I have two issues that are bothering me a bit and I hope someone can shed some light on them for me, and I thank whoever that is in advance:

1. Family
My sister is very sick, and is dying from brain cancer. This has been going on for a few years now, but has come to a head recently. I've been to visit her in the last few weeks and it was distressing to see her unable to do anything for herself. She's bedridden and needs assistance with toiletting, showering, etc.

In the past I was estranged from my family due to her behaviour, however, I ended up being the bad guy and was accused of causing the whole thing and causing her deterioration in health. Over the years I held out the olive branch to my parents and had been hung up on more than once. I visited them and my sister more than once in one year which is no mean feat considering both trips (to my parents and my sister) are ten hour round trips. I've recently been to see my parents again, and as I said above, my sister and brother in law.

While I'm sad about my sister's impending passing, there's still a part of me that feels like I owe my family nothing. I feel like i don't want to put my life off in order to do anymore than I've already done. In truth, they were never around when I needed help or support.

I also have experienced - yet again - my brother in law's sleazy behaviour on my most recent trip, in that he got up really close behind me and rubbed up against my back. I was not imagining this. He put the hard word on me years ago while my sister was sleeping down the hallway of my house. My family knows nothing about any of this.

I honestly don't want to be around them anymore after all this, but know that a funeral will soon happen. I don't even want to attend it.

I'm tired of feeling like a bad person because of how I feel. I have tried to forgive for my own sake, but can't seem to forget all that's happened, and that my side of the story has never been heard. In saying that, I did let my brother in law know that I was sick of being considered the bad guy all the time, etc.

So I guess I'm wondering how best to handle this. Of course, friends say that "she's your sister, you'll regret it if you don't do this or go or ... " To be honest, I have felt drained and burdened by making this last trip.

Has anyone got any similar experience to this? Or any insight at all into this situation? Again, thank you in advance :)

2. Job
I lucked out with a job I applied for a while ago, even after I was told that I was definitely a strong candidate due to my resume and experience.

So, I'm wondering what's next for me in this area. I'm feeling it's time for a change of work stream, and that maybe this lack of success is a message that I need to do this, but don't really know what to look for as jobs are thin on the ground here.

Can anyone see what is coming for me, and what I need to do to prepare? I can see me doing readings from here eventually, and have nearly finished doing up a room which I'll use for that purpose, but is there anything more structured that may be coming my way?

Once again, thanks in advance, especially if wading through all this spam and trolling makes it harder!

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Friday, August 4, 2017 11:12 PDT
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znl

Hi Moonie, don't worry as we will bump your thread if buried under spam and hope a reader can see it. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I just lost a friend to Brain cancer so I know what it does to a person. So very sorry for her. I hope your sister's husband will not continue being a close family friend/member and just go away after your sister. My thoughts regarding your family is to just do what you you can live with and feel comfortable for your own sanity, feelings and emotions. It is not everyone's luck to have close siblings relationships. when she passes you cannot repair or do anything so make sure you won't have any regrets with her or the parents. Sad I know when it comes to this :(

I am thinking with new work that you can maybe start part time and see how it goes. If income is a concern I would still search and insist on finding or continuing in the line of work where you are most experienced and have had success with in the past. Is it at all possible or an option to make the old job into "your business" and just do it as your independent business.




Friday, August 4, 2017 14:10 PDT

I think this idea that we 'owe' our families anything is wrong. People get what they give out and it seems your family has given you nothing but a hard time, Moonie. It doesn't help them if you wear yourself out being around them. All you need to do is to have tried to get along with them, you have done that but they haven't responded - their problem now. Don't make it your problem that they are difficult folk. There really is nothing you can do for people who are inflexible in their attitudes.

How about running a business from home, Moonie? Maybe a day care centre, either for children or pets if it is needed in your area. Baby/pet-sitting even? Look around the town to see what 'hole' in business you could fill. What about politics? Is there a need for a caring woman as a councillor or even mayor where you are? Good at sewing or crafts? Can you make and sell anything on eBay? Can you become an independent carer who goes to people's homes? What about a delivery person if you have a car? Many invalids or elderly or transport-less people could use someone to collect their medicines, groceries, or anything else they might need and can't get out to buy.




Friday, August 4, 2017 14:19 PDT
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znl

Wow, such wonderful ideas. Moonie, from your posts it seems like you are wonderful with fixing things around, inside a homes, gardens and such. A true handyman, maybe. You could really do that for a very good honest living. There is always room and much appreciation and a huge market for this kind of thing. I think you can even schedule things so to have regular income. I wish I was good at that sort of thing or knew someone who was.




Saturday, August 5, 2017 3:06 PDT

Hi Moon,

On the family situation, I empathize with where you're at. I'm very sorry for what you're going through. And I agree with the rest that you need to do what's right for you. It doesn't mean you love your sis any less if you're not physically present. She'll always be in your heart, thoughts and prayers, and that's plenty.

I too am wondering how to handle it - when the time comes - as I sense that we're heading in that trajectory with my cat and also, one or both of my folks. I have a feeling that I will encounter the same judgments that you have received from friends/family. My instinct is that I do not want to participate in a funeral/sending off. It is partly due to my own sensitivity towards highly charged emotions like grief and mourning. It messes me up to be around that energy. And also because I feel like it's a farce and betrayal of self, to project 'solidarity' when I feel estranged from everyone, especially my folks. I do not want to be around. You may know from my previous posts that they have expected and taken a lot from me... and somehow I'm still the bad/difficult one. No matter what, I will grieve for the loss, but in my own way. Why can't it be enough to do it in 'secret', without being involved in the whole production? Physical presence alone does not equal to kinship, love, affection, loyalty, etc. There's nothing i can add to it - by being there - but it would certainly take away from me. And I'm not sure I can allow that.

You are in my prayers. Hope we both make the right decisions for ourselves.




Saturday, August 5, 2017 17:05 PDT

I want to thank znl, the Captain and Danceur for your wise comments and suggestions. I'll definitely take them on board, so again, thank you.

My sister died this morning at 4.20. Sepsis had set in apparently and her system could no longer fight. At least she is out of pain, and as I said to my brother in law, she's got a full head of hair again wherever she is. Her hair was her pride and joy.

znl, I'm sorry for your loss. Having worked with brain injury patients, I can see what a huge toll it takes on the brain for any sort of injury to it, let alone cancer.

Danceur, your words mirror my thoughts exactly. Not only would the emotional cost of attending her funeral be great for me, it's also a financial thing, as much as I dislike having to admit that. I cry for the loss of a sister, I mourn the misery that's been inherent in my family all my life. I'm torn between going to support my parents, or simply honouring the good times I had with my sister in my own way and in my own time. My initial thoughts have been not to attend the funeral, but to wait and go later on and sit by myself with her at her resting place.

A song just came on the radio by The Police and it brought back memories of when we both went to their concert and came out stoned from other people's imbibement of good old weed lol! Back in those days, the seats were plastic joined sets of seats and people could drink, smoke, do whatever they wanted. I remember seeing someone throwing up down the aisle from us. And the smoke, thick with dope that settled into our own heads. We were giggling all the way home on the train. It was a great concert too by the way!

I remember my sister with fondness, even though for ten years or so, I swung between hating what she'd done (and got away with) yet still caring about her.

Danceur, I want to make the right decision for me; not be swayed by what others think. I have been on a downer when I think about it, since my sister was diagnosed with brain cancer which was nearly three years ago. Like, I haven't felt a true laugh in my soul since then. It was the way I was contacted about it. My mother basically said she didn't want me to do anything. I was going to go and see my sister, but mum basically shot that idea down. So it was a good year or so before I finally went to see her and my parents. A rift that spanned ten years had to be laid to rest, which was done finally.

But, how do we forget what happened to us? I can't, and I venture to guess you can't either. You're right: it feels like a farce and betrayal of self. I couldn't have put it better myself. And yes, I'm still the bad/difficult one, like you.

We chose this path before we incarnated, but even so, sometimes I wonder why we chose such a difficult one. And one that has ended up with a fair measure of loneliness and disconnection.

Are we the strong ones? I don't know, but ... I don't feel strong at the moment.




Saturday, August 5, 2017 17:11 PDT

Captain, I think you're right that we have this misguided sense of "owing" our families, even when they haven't been supportive to us. I've been the bad guy for so many years now, I can't remember when I ever wasn't wearing that badge.

Off that sad topic, I like your (and znl's) suggestions of what I can do to make some cash. I read somewhere else on here that you're suggesting a Facebook page to accommodate this forum which seems to be suffering too much spam and trolling. So ... why don't we do that? It can be a closed group so that further minimises trolling, or those of us, namely me lol, who have time on their hands can monitor and weed out inappropriate behaviour/comments and people.

There's a world of possibility, and I think we should make something of this opportunity.

If any of you wish to contact me outside of here - and I'm taking a risk considering there's no pm feature on here - please do so at: greendayoasis62atgmaildotcom.

Once again, thank you all for your kind thoughts, wisdom and suggestions.

Cheers!




Thursday, August 10, 2017 6:02 PDT

Hi Moon,

I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that you're managing to find some solace in this difficult tiime.

I'm also sorry it's taken a bit of time to respond. I've not been well - fought with my sis and my body, mind and being just kinda shut down. Guess I really am not kidding when I say I don't respond well to heightened negative emotions.

I relate to what you're saying. I cannot begin to understand why we would 'choose' this path and suffer in this manner. And I cannot see much value in being 'the strong one'. It's so very painful and lonely - you're right on the mark on that. When I first begun to have some awareness a few years ago, it was a very positive phase. But now as it delves deeper into picking apart the root of old wounds and trying to sort them out - it's unbearable. The icing on the cake is being able to feel empathy for the motivations of others - even as they act in ways that hurt me. At a fundamental level, we are all acting in our best interests and in most cases, it is not malicious, it is no one's 'fault' and no one is the bad one. But I don't know if knowing this makes a difference, because the end result is that I still get hurt. They almost always choose to hurt and step on me, to advance their cause, instead of seeking a compromise with me - which is all I need. This is my own family. In the end, no matter how I plead my case, encourage dialogue, enact boundaries and eventually kick, scream and cry - I end up shouldering the world on my own, like Atlas. They just will not budge. People are only nice or seemingly agreeable in good times, and then they become jerks when it comes to their self-interests. What good is being aware - when it's a sad one-sided story that no one can relate to.

I felt happy yet sad when you talked about your memories with your sis. Because it seems like that will happen to me too. We've had some strong bonding moments in the past. But in the last few years, she's been the one who's hurting me most. She considers herself the most spiritually enlightened and right now, she's the one that's refusing to help and trying to keep me in a disadvantaged position - to maintain status quo in her portion of the caregiving situation. She's even invalidating my belief in my journey and tried to sow doubt that I'm ready to move forward. Sigh, self interest is always the culprit for insidious behavior. No matter. I believe in myself because I can feel the energy of change. The minute I feel able to walk out of the prison - it will accelerate the healing process. But it's really a matter of can I survive up to then? On bad days, I have such ugly thoughts. I feel like I don't want to exist anymore, just so I can finally be free of them. I know though, that life is not going to let me go that easy - because I haven't even begun to serve the collective (not my family) as I'm meant to.

I'm sorry. I hope I don't inadvertently bring you down. I'm just frustrated.

There's some part of this metamorphosis process, in which I'm seeking to shed my identity and be remade. And it seems to necessitate a complete disassociation from my family and the concept of any time of belonging. It's starting to feel mutually exclusive that one can be on the path of serving their highest good and also having significant ties to others.

I remember the first years I was here. It was all queries on love. I'm aware that I want companionship so much. But truly, I don't miss the nonsense that comes along with it. Knowing what i know now, I wonder what is the point of having close, intimate or familial relationships and attachments and even children, if we will invariably inflict our own B.S on others as part of our growth process? When we will almost always favour self-interest or fall into martyrdom and co-dependence, or try to control and hurt others, and divert or block them from their paths, instead of allowing them the opportunity to grow and make their own choices. Attachments seem entirely incongruent with the lessons of change, loss and impermanence that the Universe loves to teach.
Sorry I'm rambling.




Thursday, August 10, 2017 17:38 PDT

Danceur, this phase is one where I've had similar thoughts: that I don't want to exist anymore. I'm tired of being sad, brought down, forgotten and ignored. I'm wondering who my true friends are lately.

The more I think about going to my sister's funeral, the more I feel it's a bad decision to go. Not to mention lack of funds for the trip. Again, we'd have to take out a small loan in order to pay for it, but I'm tired of doing that because it won't be the first time.

Where do we draw the line about what we "owe" family? I know if I choose not to go, it'll be a very unpopular decision and give my family more fuel to fire with. I'd definitely be disinherited, not that that is of great importance to me regardless of our financial situation.

Like you, I'm tired of dragging my feet around and feeling like a welcome mat. My own daughter favours her father over me so it appears, and I'm at a loss as to how to feel more a part of her life. It's things like her recent trip where she sent an itinerary to her father and her partner's mother, but I was lucky to get more than two updates on Facebook. I don't understand it, and that put me into a further emotional tailspin yesterday.

I'm tired of feeling so torn between what is right for me, yet risking alienation (again) from my family.

Attachments? Well ... I have a strong one with my partner. I hope the Universe doesn't decide to take that away from me too. If so, then I think I'd be tempted to refuse this path - even though I feel like I've strayed off it a fair bit - because I can't stand the pain anymore.

I'm sorry for what you're going through too. How do we rise above this? I'm truly at a loss!




Thursday, August 10, 2017 20:42 PDT

Hi Moon,

Am I inferring correctly that there's a part of you that wants to be there physically - that it would bring you some peace and closure - but the idea of having to jump through hoops and incur cost to do it, and also be around family is making it an unpleasant endeavour? I actually like your earlier suggestion to visit her resting place at another time when emotions have settled down. I'd like to think that if you're wanting to honor the memory of someone you love, you can do that from anywhere on your own. Or you could also ask to offer some prayers or hold a service - where you're at, if you're attending any local worship places? I think they can do that for you. If we set aside the family aspect for a moment, what feels right and 'enough' to you? What might set your spirit at ease?

For me, I can say that doing it from afar or at a later time is the most healthy option for me. There was a family friend who passed about 5 years ago. A very kindly old man who let me and my siblings work with him, on occasion, when we were younger, to earn some side income. I never went to his wake, because I couldn't relate to the idea of seeing him as lifeless. He was always lively and jovial, and had a corny sense of humour - and for me, it made sense to honor his memory by just saying a prayer and remembering him that way.

I know this is all easier said than done. Especially when we care about not antagonizing others further (not everyone bothers, but I guess we do). I think my scenario is a little different in the sense that I am willing to risk being totally cut off - because it may be the only way to move forward eventually. But it's tricky because I can foresee getting kicked out of the house (which I partially own) before I'm ready. Most of my adult life, I've had to endure alienation from family repeatedly in order to follow my own alignment. The stakes just get higher. Having said that, I don't believe in owing and obligation. But if my family does - and they do - then I am affected by their expectations, and they would be affected by my decisions to be detached.

In a ideal situation, everyone would understand and accept each other's need for and level of attachment, and expression of it - and not take it personally or project their insecurities onto others, when they don't mirror what we would do or what we want. But when everyone understands these things differently, and there is no compromise available, perhaps the only choice left is what feels right to us. And trying - somehow - to make peace within ourselves that someone somewhere won't be happy about it. I'd like to believe that it does make a difference if you don't intend to hurt others. And I don't think we can or should hold ourselves accountable for the disapproval.