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Love & Relationships » The heart of a Virgo man

Sunday, June 21, 2009 8:06 PDT

I have been involved with a Virgo man for 5 months now. Met him online, we got along perfectly, in time I figured out he was married (long story) with four children. While that should have ended things, we can't seem to part. We have been intimate, although it is rare due to the obvious (I also have 3 children also with partial custody, and distance is an issue). He claims that he wandered from his marriage to fill the "emptiness" in his heart. He also insists that whether I had come along or not, he planned to divorce his wife in 4 years (timing this with his children being older and more self-sufficient). He married at 20, his wife was 18, got pregnant,, he did the "right thing". Over 13 years they "have nothing in common except for children together". "Fight all the time. Feels no love or attraction for his wife." I have made the move to end things a couple of times, but he wanders back...missing me, asking me to stay with this, that his heart is in "us", we are "perfect" together, and his plan is that we will be together...down the road. I understand that Virgo's are perfectionists and don't leap into commitments until they're really ready. My heart feels the same peace and security with him (whether we are together or not) that he professes. I think he lives in pain with the lies within his own family but will not make a move to divorce and disrupt his children unless this is the real deal (my sense, not anything he said). I remain open to finding someone whose life is free and uncomplicated, but what we have between us, does, indeed feel spiritually perfect. My friends say I'm crazy, that he's a man and he's using me (but we go for three weeks or longer without physically seeing each other - hard to believe he's using me for intimacy as we have so little, lol.) Anyone else have experience with Virgo men? I'd like to think that if I "have his heart" that he will stick to his plan to make the changes in his life to bring us together. Is their any truth in the Virgo characteristic that once they've found "perfection" there will be no deviating from keeping it? Any Virgo men out there with thoughts on this? Women who are/have been involved with Virgo's? Thanks for reading my post.


Sunday, June 21, 2009 10:35 PDT

See....these situations always make me nervous. I mean, star signs aside, if a man is unhappy where he is and wants some kind of change of scenery, there's no telling what he'll say to change things. And, he might not be viciously lying to you, he might actually believe what he says at the time. But, whether or not he actually feels as strongly as he says he does for you is hard to tell. Because, he could be putting the wrong name to his feelings. Maybe he does really care about you, or maybe he just cares about what you represent -something other then his current situation.

Now, my brother and mom are virgos, and they are very loyal and i could never imagine them cheating on anyone, so I dont even know what to tell you about how to read a virgos heart. This already seems very, very different from all virgos I know. But, what I do know is that when they are unhappy, they are UNHAPPY, and it usually encompasses their entire lives.

Sunday, June 21, 2009 10:55 PDT

Virgo!! Always have been my best friends (Im a cappy), but I have to say three virgo's I know including my very recent ex (who I have been with for 9 years) have all played away. They have all been charmers, always liked by other people, and will help anybody out. I thought I had met my soulmate (he had three previous marriages and I know the last two he played away). This didnt come out until I had already lost my heart to him. As far as I can see as far as he was concerned I was the true love out of all of his loves, so he intimated, not to me, others. So on the last sentence he still chose to have an affair four years ago, I took him back and now have recently found him on an internet dating site, hence Ive ended it, and he has not chosen to fight for me. (I daresay that maybe because he considers me a strongish cappy, but I am so sensitive really, and he would find it difficult to open up to me as to the where's and why fors - he would rather brush it all under the carpet until the next time). I really thought we had it in the bag. Anyone else feel this way. I wonder you know if you are part of his life that is missing but he still needs the other side. At the moment Im a sceptic about these Virgo's and I know one cannot classify them all as being the same, but my ex, my friends husband and a work colleague all seem to be in a similar pattern when it comes to the opposite ****. Maybe what I thought we had, we didnt and he didnt have the guts to tell me. I cannot read a virgo's heart anymore thought I had finally got there ahem!!! I wish you luck!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009 13:22 PDT

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This sh*t-picking is sickening to your friends.
You are cold and unemotional.
Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Sunday, June 21, 2009 14:24 PDT

Thank you Maria and moq for your thoughtful replies, and for not immediately taking a negative position on the situation. Maria, I have had similar thoughts as you - that he is sincere, in as much as he finds in me the love, security, acceptance, and dare I say "excitement" that may be lacking in his current relationship. I was married 13 years as well and appreciate the rut that a loveless marriage can create...as well as the yearning for filling that "empty place". However, I did what I consider the right thing - I got divorced in order to free both, myself and my spouse, to go on and hopefully find a new and more fulfilling love (always, and still, believing that this was also in the best interest of my children). Although my Virgo says that he has a four-year "plan" in place, something was driving him hard enough to put his marriage at risk anyway when I met him months ago. "Yes", I believe physical need may have been the start of it, I don't kid myself about that, but I think the unexpected came when he realized that I meant more to him. Mind you I have not accepted him blindly.

Emotional, fatalistic little Cancer that I am, I have grilled him on his real intentions with me secretly hoping that my "third-degree" would find him in a big lie, the ugly truth would come out, I'd say, "well my friends were right all along", we'd part ways, I'd deal with my hurt and life would go on. To my surprise though, he counters my negativity with loving, rational answers and steadfastly holds his position. Easy enough to do, I suppose, when his marriage prevents him from any real tangible demonstrations of his commitment to me, haha. Although, I must say, if all he wants to do is play, there certainly would be less complicated, and more frequent opportunities than I offer him.

Ultimately I have resigned myself to the fact that "love conquers all". No matter where I fit into it, there are many lives affected by whatever Virgo decides to do with this situation and I have resolved that events will have to unfold at their own pace. All I can do is put my ego aside and offer the same love and support that I would any friend at this time. Let's face it, me forcing any issues will only bring defensiveness and pain, and probably destroy what could actually turn out to be a wonderful relationship in my life...if only I had had the patience to let Virgo sort things out without pressures. I mean 5 months is not a long time to go from "I hate my relationship", "I want to find what's missing", "holy cow, maybe I did find what's missing", now what....? Lol.

Thanks again for the input. This is the strangest and most unexpected situation to find myself involved with and I value getting different perspectives on the matter. Anyone else with insights to offer, I'd love to hear them!

Sunday, June 21, 2009 14:33 PDT

Godflesh, you left out "excessive worrying and hypochondria", lol. But somewhere beneath all their frostyness beats a frail little heart just like everyone else's. I hope.....hahah, thank you for the chuckle!

Sunday, June 21, 2009 21:54 PDT

What you're talking about is called "projection" and Virgos are the master of projection. He sees in you things his wife isn't . He's projected these traits upon you at an intensified level because these are the characteristics he needs in a woman at this time. Not that you do not exhibit the traits to some extent. However, he magnifies their intensity and relevance to suit his needs. For Virgos a mental affair can be as gratifying as a physical one. But is's still an affair.

Astrological signs aside. The question is, should you trust your heart to a man who cheats on his wife with whom he has three kids? If he's lying to them, what makes you think he's not lying to you! Whether he knows it or not.

Sunday, June 21, 2009 23:52 PDT

True, true and true lawdawg, I don't know that he is not lying...the very reason I continue to withold judgement, but still question. Like I always say, the biggest lies we tell start with those we tell ourselves. And trust me, I know all about "projection", it was a word that came up often during counseling in the process of my divorce. My scorpio husband was also a master of projection and I know that he will never, ever see this in himself. The whole point of projection is an aversion to dealing with one's personal issues.

Interesting that you would bring this up though, as I have wondered if Virgo's wife is really as bad as he says, or if he were simply projecting his inadequacies and insecurities onto her. Although I have to say, that while he accuses her of being disorganized, unmotivated, sloppy, lazy, negative, unsociable, etc. - he truly has demonstrated none of these characteristics (runs his own business, coaches 2 kids softball teams, claims he and the kids even clean the house on Saturdays) so that leaves me with the notion that he may actually be telling the truth.

Anyway, as a fellow Cancer you can appreciate full well that deep down my general defenses will remain in tact until I am dead certain of his sincerity. And that certainty will only come with his ultimate divorce. He can talk all he wants about what's in his heart and where things go "down the road" but we both know that anything less than "living the love" at all levels is not enough for a Cancer, lol. Thanks for you input, lawdawg, I appreciate your interest and honesty.

Monday, June 22, 2009 0:39 PDT

Think with your head on this one and not your heart. Do you really have 4 yrs to spare especially to gamble with on any man? Anyone who asks that you wait that long before they can be committed to you is too selfish to even deserve your love. You say you believe that love conquers all, I agree that true love does conquer all therefore why dont you test the notion of true love. I suggest that you sit him down and reveal the extent of your feelings for him but tell him: first and foremost you come first, if you dont look out for yourself who else will. Tell him you believe thats unfair that you should wait on him for any length of time, that is a clear sign that he's not ready, therefore you're gonna let it go and in 4 yrs if this was meant to be then we both would want to pick up from where we left off, free conscience and all. Time waits for no one, use it wisely sweetheart, good luck!!! ps. Speaking from the heart and own life experience.

Monday, June 22, 2009 1:18 PDT

Virgo man....this one avoid like the plague unless you want your life mapped out for you....4 years and he'll divorce his wife...that's nice of him. How arrogant. I had a Virgo husband like that for 15 years...he had an affair and yet he wanted to part when he was ready ...no way! I divorced him for adultery and got on with my own life and the weight lifted off my shoulders.