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Love & Relationships » The heart of a Virgo man

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 17:46 PDT

Hello Ladies!

Well Virgo finally responded and apologized profusely saying that he never ever wants to hurt me. He made it a point to tell me he didn't want to respond by email or text and that he wanted to ensure I understood how sorry he was about not responding. He said that he had so much to do last night and after was exhausted and went to bed not even thinking about the text I had sent him earlier. He said he always responds to me (I agreed and told him I thought it odd he didn't respond). I just listened quietly while he told me when he said the "love" word he meant it and wants us to take it slowly to see where this could lead. I agreed. He said he wants us and always has but still has a hard time believing (but at the same time said he doesn't doubt) that I feel the way I do about him. He said he says this because I can be cold to him and can seem to cut my feelings on and off at will. I told him I do this when he starts becoming distant as a protective mechanism. I told him I will always care about him but when he starts acting strange it makes me want to pull away as well and try to move on. I told him thanks for calling to explain and we said we'd talk more later.

That went well and he said he understood why I was upset because I had said some pretty important things and deserved a response. Ladies I tell you I'm totally exhausted by the past few days events. I think I'll give him some space a few days because I need time to collect myself. Think I'll do as my closest friend said and I think Jen said it too--observe his actions. Thanks to you all for your support...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 17:48 PDT

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 17:52 PDT

dang posts!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 21:03 PDT

rnrchick - Hey stranger, thanks for coming back for a visit! Of course I remember your post, mostly because every time I visit the thread I scroll down the page to find the page listing and yours is the last post on page 1 so it naturally catches my eye everytime. I believe that I must have read this line at least a hundred times by now: "Virgo man....this one avoid like the plague unless you want your life mapped out for you....4 years and he'll divorce his wife...that's nice of him. How arrogant." Well, he didn't end up mapping out my life, nor did he divorce his wife, but you probably nailed him on the "arrogant" part.

I don't blame you for brushing off the Virgo who returned after many years and two marriages to finally tell you that you are the love of his life. I had an old Scorp boyfriend show up a year or so ago. I was like, really? You thought of me all these years yet it took you 32 years to do anything about it. Somehow that is so NOT touching, lol. But I think to him it sounded really romantic. Then he was disappointed that I didn't fall head over heels in love with him. He had all kinds of hopes built up and was so ready to move on in. I on the other hand, had none of that, and in fact he did things that reminded me of my ex-husband (also a Scorp) that I knew I could never live with again. It was wrong for him to think he could just flit back in my life and that I would welcome him with open arms just because I was single again. So, we parted friends although I still sense some resentment when I talk to him (those vindictive Scorps never forget a wrong, worse than us Cancer's that way. We don't forget, but we do forgive.)

So about your Leo man. I know that Leo's thrive on attention in the form of praise. Have you gotten flirty with him lately? Maybe if you laid it on him a bit he might give you a little back. :-)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 21:31 PDT

Sincitypisces - Welcome! Okay, I could go on a really negative path here based on some things my Virgo did and said about dating sites, but I'm going to give your guy the benefit of the doubt for one reason - because you are still tied to the site as well and he knows this. He may not know about your girlfriend checking on him, but you revealed that you haven't gone to the length of deleting your own profile either. So I suspect this creates an air of doubt in both directions as to the level of sincerity. Virgo tests and tests and tests. I believe that he won't get rid of his profile until you do. And I believe that he won't get rid of it until he is good and ready to so don't order him to do it. When I got mad at Virgo for going back on a dating site - within a week after he told me for the first time that he loved me no less - his response was to immediately delete the profile, and then remind me that he can put up another one any time. Nice huh. But he didn't want to be told what to do you see and he taunted me about "trust". That if I trusted him it shouldn't matter, he was just "playing little boy games and chatting". Uh huh. That's exactly how he met me, playing his games and chatting. So just being on the site is a temptation as well and apparently it's great for building a man's self-esteem (that was my Virgo's excuse for why men who have great women might still want to spend time on a dating site "chatting", to lift their self-esteem). Okay, now see I went negative and I swore I wasn't going to do that. But something seems wrong with him laying out all kinds of plans for the future with you and yet imagining that he would want to spend a single second on the dating site. If you two are planning a real future together you BOTH need to get off of the dating site. It is nothing but a distraction and will remain a HUGE challenge to you building trust in each other.

So what to do....? Personally I think you should announce to him that you are so happy with how things are between you two that you are deleting your profile completely. Gone. He is now the center of your relationship universe because you want to give your relationship your full attention. There is no one else on your mind or in your heart. That might not get him to delete it, but if he cares as much for you I believe that he should at least make the move to hide his profile. What he's doing now would have me thinking that he's trying to be extra sure that he doesn't miss someone who just might have a little more going on than you. (Virgo perfectionism and uncertainty about making any kind of decision). He may not even be consciously doing this, but I'm telling you, if a man is really liking you above all others, he is not going to risk losing you over a stupid dating site. If things don't work out then he can sign up all over again and start shopping again. The dating site isn't going anywhere, but if he's not paying attention you just might. Shopping while he is involved with you is not good for the relationship and you are going to start to resent this whole situation even more than you do right now.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 21:38 PDT

Gem4ever - That all sounds so wonderful. Like a dream come true. But as "they" say, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". You two seem to be getting along nicely, just keep patiently allowing things to unfold. If it's an act it will come apart eventually. He obviously has some doubts about you as well (although my suspicious side says that this stems from doubts about himself or his feelings - he did say that he wants to take it slow and see what happens, so is he feeling it or not?) Anyway, while you may think he should trust your feelings, he obviously has some reasons that he doesn't. Only time will tell on this one I think. He's doing that yoyo thing and we've seen with others on the thread where that goes. And yes, we can all understand how exhausting it all is. You wonder do they ever exhaust themselves just by being who, and how, they are? Lol.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 9:09 PDT

Hey Jenever....I came back on here to check if your virgo fulfilled his promise to divorce his wife in 4 years!!! LOL .... I took your advice re flirting with my Leo, and layering it on a bit thick :) ...in fact, I stopped to think and realised my own intuition was telling me what I should be doing....;) ....think I had a down day ....first one since 2009 !! :) But 24 hours later I'm back buzzing on top form!!! :) Think I'm allowed an off day now and again! :)

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 9:15 PDT

Jenever7- Thanks for the reply. Actually.....I HAD deleted my profile after we got back together. I had only put it back up and became active again AFTER my girlfriend showed me the proof that he was lying to me a couple of days ago. I really appreciate your perspective.

Now....here is what went down last night. So....It was driving me crazy that I couldn't confront him about this, so I texted him calmly letting him know that I wanted to talk to him about his active profile and that I wasn't angry and that there would be no drama but if we were to continue dating, then the "relationship" needed new boundaries and we needed to discuss them. I never said I wanted to break up, just that I wanted to talk to him about the profile and new boundaries. An hour later I get a text asking me whats going on and what am I talking about an "active profile" Before I can answer, I get another text (seemingly angry) asking me to explain to him how he could have an active profile when he has been off the site "for freakin months". (this is yet another lie.) My response was that I wasn't sure what was going on and that I needed some time to think and that I was confused. He then proceeded to blow up my phone with 15 texts. Ranging from "its obvious that you never trusted me" to " talk to your friend, she can't say Ive been cheating on you, I never talked, emailed, or winked at her" (this was an interesting text, hmmmmm) to trying to explain that it was a problem with him match app on his phone and then he lies again, saying he wasn't active. He then got angry, saying that if I was going to believe my friend over him then I could just date my friend and that he would find someone that trusted him (yeah, right....not if he keeps lying) and that he didn't need the BS or drama (funny cuz I never gave him any!) Then he said he deserves better and that he has "no time" to cheat on me and that again, he was a good man and he would find someone who would trust him fully. Then he said good bye.

Really.....all I could say to myself after I read the texts was WOW. Funny how his guilt is apparent even in his texts. What is also funny is that I never said he cheated on me. My friend however, was upset by the way he treated me and emailed his profile, telling him what a dog he was and how could he be messing around on the site if he really cared about me. And that he didn't deserve me. (Godbless my girlfriend!) So I guess he thought she told me he was cheating. (which she didn't, she just proved to me that he was lying to me) So, it's interesting how it went from me just asking to speak to him about it and still date, to his breaking up with me cuz I can't trust him.....again, he's assuming things that were NEVER said by me.

So.....is this typical Virgo behavior???? This is the first virgo I've dated and I have never been so confused in my life! lol

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 9:31 PDT

Sincitypisces - to be honest, do you really need this hassle ? Virgos are totally confusing !! He obviously feels that you shouldn't be questioning him - but if you two are going to be dating then surely he should give the relationship a try and perhaps delete his profile completely .....I guess you feel as though you're being "used" until someone else comes along that catches his eye...and being the sensitive fish that you are his critical ways and arrogance might make you into a quivering, nervous wreck. Virgos like to be in control so they're happy in you don't question there actions etc. Being a pisces, I would have thought you could make a go of a virgo relationship.....being a mouthy Gemini, like me, who is also on the cusp with stubborn Taurus ....things don't always go smoothly!! :) Your mate isn't a Gemini, is she??!! :) LOL

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 11:00 PDT

rnrchick- You are completely right! I don't need the hassle, which is why I have chosen not to contact him anymore. And yes, it does feel like he is "high and mighty" and I shouldn't be questioning him. But you know what? I did....I'm not a "lay down and take it" kind of pisces. I did feel like I was being used....as he wanted me to be exclusive, but didn't want to stop "shopping". lol I'm not sure what sign my girlfriend is but I can tell you she isn't quiet, that's for sure! :) thanks for the input. Always nice to have my instincts validated by someone else.