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Love & Relationships » The heart of a Virgo man

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 9:31 PDT

4theLoL, the fact that he insists that you declare your love for him means that it's a question of ego gratification. Scoring points, a game, in other words. Did he tell you that he loved you ? Did he actually ask you whether you loved him ? Or does he just insist on you "confessing" ? Next time ask him whether he loves you, and then give him the same answer that he gives you. If he confesses his love , then you can as well. But to be honest he sounds like a player to me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 10:13 PDT

Voply, yes he always asks me if I love him and inisists that I do. I did ask him if he loved me and he did not confirm or deny anything but when I say I can't be in this one sided he always says "It isn't one sided why do you say that" or when I say just tell me to stop calling you, tell me you want this to end he states "But I don't feel that way"....so he never gives me anything solid to go off of.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 11:02 PDT

4thelove - Volpy hit it on the head! It's ego gratification, they need it, crave it, require it (to an extent). All men like their ego stroked, but I notice with Vs they seem to need it more than most ( I think it helps them minimize their own insecurity and self pity) and remember; many of them are EXTREMELY selfish. It's truly me, me, me, and me some more so I'm not at all surprised he's pushing you to say it, but I'll betcha won't hear it from him. This is why things feel so "lopsided" when dating them, it's a lot of give on our end but little receiving and even when you do receive it's in the time frame they have created.

"he also said if I lived closer to him it would be so different." HA! No it wouldn't. Stable, normal, reciprocal relationships bore them, which is why when we pull back they come running, but when we are there lovingly by their side they pull away.

In your Vs defense he isn't "playing a game," not in the literal sense of hey I'm gonna lead libra on. It's moreso he is driven by what feels good for him at the moment and he has not considered the impact this may take on you. More than likely, he enjoys your company, attention, and companionship; but he likely hasn't thought any further than that. He's being honest when he says he doesn't want things to end, because he's enjoying it. This DOES NOT mean he feels the same as you and is willing to move forward (in action and word).

The first time I told my ex **** I loved him, I said "I'm not looking for you to say it back , I'm not looking for a response; I know we care for each other in different ways and I just want to be upfront about where I am and how I feel... Again I'm not looking for a response, but I love you and I hope
one day you can care for me as deeply as I care for you." He eventually (about a month later) sat
me down (literally sat me down, like a speech had to be made, it was clear this was not an impulsive more) and told me loved me to. There was no pressure from either side. The fact that your **** is pushing this (and I'm sure those who have been intimately involved with a **** will agree) makes me suspicious of his motives. Maybe he's just really insecure, who knows, but I'd continue doing what you're doing, observe his actions and maybe vein in your own feelings (just a bit).

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 11:04 PDT

Rein in nit vein : )

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 11:06 PDT

Argg fixed a typo and added another lol " rein in not vein in"

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 11:39 PDT

Snowball I could kiss you and hug through the pc! :-) .... I think I will again pull back just a little but not the point of where I make him think I am not interested. I do want to hang on because I swear this man gives me butterflies and my stomach literally drops when he calls, texts or sends me pictures. He did say he wanted to see me and he also told me he thinks about me and there are times in when he says's to himself how much he really wishes he could see me. I just don't want to rush and blow things. I think we both may be moving past playing with each other but at a snails pace. I am going to continue with the long handled spoon.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 11:57 PDT

My feelings for him are so strong that I have come to the conclusion, none of what Im feeling can be real. There is no way it is humanly possible to fall in love with someone under these terms.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 13:09 PDT

Today is the first day I went in the bathroom and just cried (I don't know why). I don't want to have these feelings for him. I am going to get hurt and I can't handle knowing that we may never share the same feelings. I will never tell him this and I don't think I am even going to reach back out to him. I want this man in my life but I don't want to tell him for fear that I think I will surely lose what little we do have. Just because I was straightforward and told him what I felt before I don't think I can tell him anything of this magnitude. Not when he has started opening up to me too. Ladies I am confused what do I do?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 14:46 PDT

4theLoL, it is humanly possible to fall for someone under these terms - we all did it one time or another. In fact these terms are a crucial factor that makes us fall in love in this "unhuman" way. It's called obcession. It's fueled by the impossibility to get what you want. Remember, that on one ocasion when he told you that he wanted you in his life you actually lost interest in him, at least temporarily, until he withdrew again. Actually you said you didn't even like him, if I remember well. Just try to see clearly what's going on not only inside of his head, but inside of yours too - you are obcessing about something you can't have. Sorry to put it so straight, but it's better to see things as they are. It will help you to make mature decisions when time comes.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 14:56 PDT

Hi ladies: I am really struggling today. I broke up with **** 11 days ago. Even though I had been mentally preparing myself for it 4 or 5 weeks before the breakup, I am doing far worse than I expected. **** said he did not want to end it, said he cared deeply for me, but would respect my decision. I almost called him today, but instead I came back to this forum. You ladies have been great! Are Vs made of steel? Do they have feelings? Please give me strength to stay strong!
I had to end it because I was running empty. I felt I gave all I had to the relationship. Like snowball said: I truly had enough! I did not even bother asking for commitment/emotional support from him. 
But why I am secretly wishing he would come back to me? As a matter of fact that's all I want----to hear his voice, even just a Hi at this moment. I hate myself for being so weak.